TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
