She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
