I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
