i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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