PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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