so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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