Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
