hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
