i just had sex bonerless
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize