piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
