the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's never too late to be topless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
