I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we're so committed to being not committed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
