I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
