so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
