Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
