I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
