Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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