Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
