I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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