Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
