I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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