We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
