You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
