The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
