I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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