So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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