so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
