Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
