I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
