Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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