thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
