NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
