I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
