I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
