whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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