the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
