based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
