Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
