Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
