where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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