if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
