Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
