I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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