You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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