I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
