I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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