So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
