he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
