apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
