I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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