Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
