Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
