Sry I called you an 8
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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