remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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