Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
