I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
