My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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