That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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