i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
