Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
