Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
