I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
